Frank: Welcome back folks, welcome back! We are once again back upon the fields of this lovely stadium, once again ready to plunge into one of the zaniest sports ever, once again prepared to face a life and death struggle against the opposing players, all the while remembering that salvation awaits the victor and darkness awaits the loser!
Frank: And so, folks, let us welcome back onto the field, the two teams, the Heroes and the Villains!
I sit up, groggily rubbing my temples with my palm. What’s with all the racket? What’s with all the noise? Why does it seem like I’m in another stadium? Why does it – HANG ON, THIS IS TOO FAMILIAR!
I sit up hurriedly, glancing around dugout. This is my dream again! The one with the baseball and the funny anime and manga characters running about! Oh gods, you mean I still haven’t escaped this place?
I sigh, and place my head in my hands. Well...I might as well practice my swinging...who knows when I’ll be called up again? Why, it feels like Furukawa will once again start rapping me on my head as soon as –
I was interrupted by a sudden rapping on my head, and I whipped around to see Furukaw – hang on, that’s not Furukawa! That’s...damn, I think I forgot his name! Shoots...but one thing’s for sure...he’s not an anime character...and he doesn’t seem to be playing baseball...for one, he’s got face paint all over him, and he’s holding an American Football.
...Oh no. Don’t tell me...
...
Too late.
Encik: “Stop slacking around lah! You think everyday Sunday, is it?”
He looked like a mean, lean, fighting machine, and he spoke like a Singaporean. Definitely not an anime character.
Encik: “I tell you siah, if you don’t kill those guys over there, I’m gonna knock you upside down!”
Herrick: Yes, yes, I’m going, I’m going...
It turns out this really was American Football. What a queer change. In fact, both the Villains and the Heroes changed as well. Everyone around here was familiar to me, but I just couldn’t quite place their names. But none of them where anime or manga characters. Which is a good thing, really. I didn’t want to get kooshed by Mr. Don.
Suddenly, the guy next to me passed me a plastic bag of green powder. My god, he was so strong, he nearly knocked the wind out of me just by passing me the bag.
Herrick: What’s this, man?
Booster: That’s creatine. Eat the whole bag, boy...you’re gonna need your strength for this match! And don’t forget to stretch!
Herrick: Well...don’t you need some as well? There has to be at least 100g of this stuff.
Booster: Don’t worry, I already took 5 bags this morning.
Herrick: FIVE BAGS?! ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS!?
Booster: Yeah...don’t worry, I don’t need such a large amount for a match like this! We’ll crush these small fry without much effort, you’ll see!
He stalked away, and I was left with a bag of Creatine. What the hell am I going to do with this?
Suddenly, the whistle blew, and everyone rushed to their starting positions. Looking opposite me at the opposing lineback, I saw that my opponent was a thin, sickly looking fellow. What the hell is he doing at the lineback position? Oh well...I’m doing the same thing, aren’t I?
Suddenly, there was a huge roar, and I charged at the enemy, intent on holding him off while the Heroes’ quarterback launched an attack deep into the enemy half!
The other sickly guy charged me back, yelling loudly like a madman
Stalker: I AM A PEDO!
Herrick: YOU’RE A WHAT?! AND WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE A NAME LIKE STALKER?!
I was so surprised, the other guy pushed me over with ease. But my trailing legs caught him, and he fell over without much resistance. Just as I was about to hold him down, a giant sword crashed into the ground next to me.
Fate: HI NUBBIES! WATCH ME PWN THE SHIT OUT OF YOU, BITCHES!
With those words, he started flailing his sword about, chasing after both me and Stalker.
Herrick: Goddammit, who’s team are you on? AND SINCE WHEN WHERE SWORDS ALLOWED IN AMERICAN FOOTBALL?
Fate: Screw off! This is Insane American Football! No one gives a shit about the rules, nubby!
Herrick & Stalker: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Meanwhile, at the quarterback’s position.
Fortello: Now, if I could just get this thing to work...
Mutuhaha: What’s taking so long, Mr. Quarterback?
Fortello: This electrical glove is taking pretty long to start up...hmm...I think it’ll be done within 30 seconds...you think you can hold them off that long?
Mutuhaha: Err...you might to see that their tank column is – I’m sorry about that – their linebacks are breaking through our defences. Look, there’s one here now.
The Lord of Darkness: Hahaha! Bow before me, weaklings! If I defeat you here, I’ll be able to kope Herrick’s GDC for the rest of the year!
From the other side of the pitch.
Herrick: WHO THE HELL SAID YOU COULD DO THAT?!
Back to the action.
Fortello: Ahh! Come on, you stupid thing! Hurry up and recharge!
Mutuhaha: Excuse me, Mr. Quarterback, but should I engage the enemy?
Fortello: What? Aww, hell you should! Hurry up, or we’re actually going to lose ground this Down.
Mutuhaha: I got you, Sir! AIRBORNE DIVISIONS! CALLING IN SUPPORT!
From the other side of the pitch.
Herrick: THIS ISN’T COH GODDAMMIT! AND DON’T YOU PLAY WEHR?!
Back to the action.
The Lord of Darkness: Huh? What is this Airborne Division you speak of? You’re weird.
Mutuhaha: Don’t look down on the power of the American Army! Charge, my warriors!
The Lord of Darkness: Hmm? Parachutes? So you weren’t kidding when you said – HOLY SHIT, THEY’RE HAMSTERS?! What is this, Fumoffu?!
Fortello: Hey, that’s cool...when did you get those?
Mutuhaha: Ahh, I got ‘em cheap off this company called TNN. Pretty shady business, if you know what I mean. Anyway, you got that glove o’ yours ready? I don’t know if my little infantry division is going to last much longer...
Fortello: All set! Alright, get ready to fire. In three, two, one...!
Mutuhaha: ...
Fortello: God damn it, I hate it when this happens, what doesn’t it – WHOA!
From the other side of the field.
Herrick: Holy shit, what the hell was that? A rocket or something?
Stalker: I wouldn’t be surprised.
Fate: Shut up, Nubbies, you don’t have time to be talking! Stop running so I can troll you high heaven!
Herrick & Stalker: STOP SWINGING THAT SWORD AROUND!
Fortello: Well...that went better than I expected.
Mutuhaha: What kind of artillery was that, Sir?
Fortello: That was a railgun...experimental, of course.
Mutuhaha: Ahh. Accuracy is an issue, I take it.
Fortello: Only when things go wrong. Like...now. I wonder where it’s going to land...
About 50 yards down the line...
Homework: Hey, you! Get out of the way, damn it! Can’t you see I’m working here?
Lolicon: Huh? What’s that?
Homework: Any idiot can see that I’m building an airport! Now move aside...you aren’t even in my team, damn it.
Lolicon: Oh yeah...which team am I on again?
Homework: ...The Heroes’ team. I have no idea why I’m on the Villain’s team, but it matters. Not, now, if you please, would you mind...
Herrick & Stalker: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Fate: Come back here, you Nubbies!
Homework: Damn it, get...off...my...AIRPORT! RARGH!
The four of us: Herrick, Stalker, Fate and Homework start brawling. I think that the three of them fought amongst themselves more than me. Ahh well, I guess they’re not called the Villains for nothing.
Lolicon: Wow, that looks painful...anyway, that looks like a...THE FOOTBALL! Hah! There is no one standing in my path to VICTORY!
Jekay: Oh really? With my 4.6 second 40 yard dash, there’s no way you can catch me!
Lolicon: Oh no! You Villain! Never mind, I shall make up for it with my CROSS-HANDED PLAYING STYLE!
Jekay: ...What is a “Cross-Handed Playing Style”?
Lolicon: It’s amazing for grazing...look, all I gotta do is this, and then...
WHOOSH! The ball ripped past both Lolicon and Jekay.
Lolicon: Hah! See, I told’ya! Did you see that graze? God damn, I’m good!
Jekay: Weren’t we supposed to catch that?
Lolicon: OH NOES!
Herrick: You’re both idiots!
Suddenly...
Frank: TOUCHDOWN FOR THE HEROES!
All: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?
Herrick: Who the hell made that touchdown?
Jax: Heh. With my ability to hide my existence from everyone, I am the perfect player to score sudden touchdowns!
Suddenly, there is a gust of wind and...
All: WHERE DID HE GO?! HOLY SHIT, WHAT A SCARY GUY!
Frank: Uhh...well, ignoring that, the score now stands at 5 – 0, with the Heroes having a chance to gain another points either by a touchdown, or by kicking the ball into the scoring area. Let’s see what they’ll do, huh? Hmm...it looks like the Heroes are bringing out their star kicker, Tora!
Herrick: ...Our star kicker is a girl?
Tora: DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!
Herrick: A...ahaha, not particularly, no?
Tora: Oh...that’s good then!
Herrick: ...Never mind. Let’s get this over with, shall we? So who’s our opponent? Hmm...it looks like that guy is going to try and stop us...what’re we going to do?
Tora: He’s kinda short, don’t you think?
The Seng: Hey, watch out, man! I’m tall in stature.
Herrick: ...I’ve heard too many of these jokes before...sigh...
Frank: Enough of the chatter! Even now, the players are lining up, ready to try and prevent Tora from scoring with that deadly kick of hers! There she goes, smashing the ball into the air!
Herrick: Ooh, that looked like a good shot!
Tora: Mmhmm...okay lah.
The Seng: What the...this is so broken! How the hell am I supposed to reach that?
Young Boy: Hey, Seng! Take this!
To my horror, the Young Boy sudden kicks the Seng in the...the...well, you know what I mean.
The Seng: YEEEEEEEEEOOWCHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Young Boy: Whoa...he’s flying, he’s flying!
Herrick: ARE WE IN A CARTOON OR SOMETHING?!
The Seng: Oh no...my voice just went twenty octaves higher...hang on, I’m now the same height as the ball! THIS IS WHAT ALL MY 6 YEARS OF GOALKEEPING HAVE PREPARED ME FOR! Here goes nothing!
From the ground, we can see that The Seng is tipping the ball a little off its course, leading the ball to certain doom!
Herrick: God Dammit, we need to do something!
Booster: Leave it to me! Astro! Hang on tight! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!
Grabbing the poor boy – Astro, I believe his name was, Booster threw him high into the air, sending the boy somersaulting into the atmosphere! CRASH! It appeared that his flight into space was stopped only by the ball, which was struck back into its original path by Astro’s hair! Almost in slow motion, the ball slowly, but surely, flew closer and closer into the scoring area, somersaulting once, twice, thrice...
Herrick: GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!
Frank: Oh, fine! It’s now 6 – 0 to the Heroes! Congratulations!
Herrick: I have absolutely no idea how the hell that happened...but whatever. So I suppose that it’s the Villains –
WHAM! The Seng comes crashing down onto the ground, creating a man-shaped hole in the ground. Knowing the circumstances, the poor boy’s perfectly fine. What about Astro, though? Hmm...ahh, there is he is...wait...there’s something wrong about the guy using his hair as a parachute, right? Ahh, whatever, I don’t really care anymore...
Suddenly, there was a loud rumbling, and a giant tank...no, not a tank, but a Pershing smashed through the stadium, guns ablaze.
Pershing: Hey there, Herrick!
Herrick: ...weren't you a Gundam 00 the last time?
Pershing: But this is so much more stylish, don't you think? In any case, good job, you're about halfway through getting out of these weirdo dream.
Herrick: Didn't I already get out of the dream in the last baseball match? What am I doing here?
Pershing: Ahh...I don't know such things, unfortunately...the world is kinda warped around here...it must be Ranka's singing, it always screws up the continuum. Irritating woman, I never liked her songs anyway.
Herrick: Err...getting back on topic?
Pershing: Yes, well...to be honest I have no idea what's going to happen now...we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?
Herrick: ...here we go again...
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