Ohkay. After a bit of problems involving a bout of Christmas shopping that went completely out of control, I have finally remembered my duties as a chronicler of my sufferings, and have started writing this particularly long blog post. So...yeah...
Oh, but first, let me just say that I'm not going to be writing about diving, and also let me say that I might sometimes leave out a word or two or something shit like that. MSWord has pampered me. And also, I apologise for the lack of photos, because my failness at anything remotely to do with electronics and computers has forced me to make do with words.
So...the flight to the land of crabs, crabs, and Christmas. Sounds fun. But unfortunately, I took Malaysian Airlines to get there.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing bad about Malaysian Airlines. Put me on a flight with them and SIA and I couldn't tell the difference. There's only one difference.
No Playing Cards.
WTF MAN. NO PLAYING CARDS? YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME. HOW CAN I PLAY MAHJONG WITHOUT PLAYING CARDS DAMMIT.
Lucky us, because we managed to bring two packs of cards with us, so we didn't get hit by the fallout so badly. I pity the poor souls without playing cards...I mean, what else can you do? Shop?
Perhaps I need to say here that our family and cards are like rock stars and drugs. We can't survive without cards, no sirree. Heck, both my mum and dad know how to play Tai-tee (Is that how you spell it? No idea.), and my dad even knows how to cheat. Great. Of course, we don't just play Tai-ti (Try different spelling this time), we play games like Rummy-Cue and Clock...and...and...okay, I can't remember anything at the moment, but I'm sure it'll come to me. And say nothing about the fact that Clock has no multi-player.
Anyway, we pretty much played cards everywhere. Waiting for dinner? Play cards. After diving? Play cards. "Hey guys, let's go home and rest." "Yeah, let's play cards." Going for bird-watching? Play cards. Going for blowhole watching? Play cards. Driving? Come on, you know the answer people!
Obviously, you don't play cards when driving, moron. Even rock stars don't jab themselves when driving. That's stupid. Using your handphone and alcohol is cool and all, but playing cards? Please, we're not that stupid.
Ah, but you see, what you do when you're driving around Christmas Island? You avoid crabs. Why? Because there are crabs everywhere, dammit. I think Darwin's Theory of Evolution is right when it says that nature is beautiful. I mean, each of those red crabs is just right size to be squashed by a pair of newly cleaned tyres. I think if you measure the size of the crab to the size of the splat it makes when you run over it, you'll get the golden ratio.
...Okay, time to take that all back before animal rights groups get me. To be honest, it really is hard dodging crabs. There were times when we had to get out of the car and shoo (shoe) the crabs away before we could drive around again. Even in the freaking jungle. What the hell are they doing in the jungle, goddammit. Couldn't they be a bit more sensible and go work in a quarry or something? At least that way they wouldn't dirty somebody's tires when they get squashed.
Now, where was I? Oh yes, chasing away the crabs. The red crabs are easily taken care of, heheh. I mean, an encounter with a Red Crab goes like this.
Red Crab Spotted!
Poke, Poke, Poke.
Red Crab does nothing!
Low B, Low C.
Red Crab does nothing!
Jump B. Jump C. Jump B. Jump C. AIR THROW.
Red Crab does nothing!
...Arc Drive Finish?
Red Crab has died!
Victory Cry! Hurrhurrhurr.
Geez, improve the difficulty levels on these guys will you? Safety in numbers doesn't work when no one is doing anything.
Ahh, but then again, at night, when you start walking around, you start seeing the elusive robber crabs (I only saw 30 of them in one night. Now that's rare)! These crabs get their names from their notorious habit of poaching the dead remains of red crabs before angry drivers can get their revenge. Another reason is because Robber Crabs also like to steal people's cars when they aren't vigilant enough. Scary stuff.
Fighting Robber Crabs is a lot more dangerous than fighting Red Crabs. A normal fight goes like this:
Robber Crab spotted!
Poke, Poke, Poke.
Robber Crab pokes back, but it's out of range!
Low B. Low C. Jump BC Jump BC POKE POKE POKE.
IT'S INVALID. GG.
Robber Crab punishes. Then runs away.
NO GOLD. NO EXP.
Yeah, so it sucks to fight Robber Crabs. At least it's a lot easier avoid them on the roads, unless you're a 36.5m long Road Train. In which case, gg.
Anyway, over the course of the journey, there were several places that were fun to visit. Most of these involved caverns. Unfortunately, I don't like caverns very much, and those I was not enthusiastic about running around inside them or even talking about it. But then again, blogs are places where you must chronicle someone's suffering, usually your own. So. Here goes.
One of these caverns was called the Grotto. It was a really majestic place. Here are the first things that we said about the Grotto, in that order.
"That's it?"
"It looked a lot better in the guidebook."
"Hey, there's a slipper in there! That's so cool!"
"YES OMG NO NEED TO GO INSIDE ANYMORE."
"The photographer must've been freaking good."
Guess which one is me! If you guess correctly, you'll get the other side of the slipper!
The Grotto, of course, wasn't the only cave we visited. There was supposed to be a really majestic cave called the Thundercliff, which sounds like something taken out of WoW and supposed to be just as good. So, we decided to go there and - !
That part's under diving, so no you.
Anyway, we also went to Daniel Roux cave. I liked this cave a lot. That's because there was a lot of greenery, a few interesting bugs here and there, a ladder that was so flimsy they specifically said that only one person on the ladder a time or it could break and a cannon with a 100% hit rate (fired one shot and sunk one submarine. Skillz that killz).
But the best thing, I think, about the cave was the big sign on the front that said:
NO ENTRY EXCEPT TO AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL. TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT.
Needless to say, I was going, "YEAH BABY FIGHT THE POWAH!" while everyone else was grumbling. I think the barbed wire made me happier.
Anyway, that's it for caving. I had a lot of fun! =D After that, we decided to go to the Blowholes. Now those were fun. They were like geysers, except without the noxious fumes, the ultra-slow attack speed (you have to wait for 50 years before some geysers attack again), and the hot water. It was really fun getting sprayed by water. Oh, but Christmas Island blowholes are special. You get double the fun for the price of one! Instead of getting sprayed by just water, you get sprayed with the remains of stupid red crabs that fell into the holes and got blow apart. No joke there.
Oh yeah, guess what we did the moment we got there?
You got it! We played cards.
Okay, so I liked the blowholes. What else did we do, arh? Oh yeah, we also went to several other cool beaches, such as Winifried Beach, Dolly Beach, Greta Beach, a beach a totally bombastic name that I can't remember anymore...oh yeah, and we went to Lily and Ethel.
Lily and Ethel is not the name of a shopping centre. It was, in fact, a really, really nice beach. Apart from the fact that I was heavily injured by a tsunami-like wave. Ahh, the pain, the pain! Boohoo, wahwah. But that was all worth it because of the SHAMAN WATER STONE.
For those of you not in the know, a SHAMAN WATER STONE is a stone of such magical power that you can't help but type its name in caps. Also, because I had access to such a powerful magical artefact, I had no choice but to play the role, and so I engaged in several shamanistic rituals involving a lot of waving, dancing, stopping other tsunami-like waves from attacking the bags, and singing Hi-Hi-Puffy-Ami-Yumi at the top of my voice.
Yeah, so it was really fun. Anyway, it's time for me to sleep now, so I'm sorry but you'll have do to with this. Yup Yup. By the way, this update beats yours, Dneo, you slacker shit.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Sorry for the Lag
Came back from Christmas Island yesterday.
This means I'm two days behind time, and without any luggage whatsoever.
Bad times, man. Bad times.
Not to mention the fact that my Christmas shopping has gone completely out of control, far surpassing my wildest dreams (or nightmares).
Anyway, I really don't have time right now...So just bear with me for a moment! I'll start posting about Christmas Island trip soon enough! =D
This means I'm two days behind time, and without any luggage whatsoever.
Bad times, man. Bad times.
Not to mention the fact that my Christmas shopping has gone completely out of control, far surpassing my wildest dreams (or nightmares).
Anyway, I really don't have time right now...So just bear with me for a moment! I'll start posting about Christmas Island trip soon enough! =D
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
THE World or YOUR World
Okay, so I'm posting a little too often for my own good. Ahh, what the hell, I'll progress out of this stage sooner or later...heck, the moment I get lazy I'll probably return to the 1 post in a week format. Whatever. I promise this post will be short.
Forgive me, but for those of you who aren't in the know, I am one heck of a fantasy fanatic and a romantic idealist. Incidentally, those two go very well hand in hand because what's fantasy without romance, and what's romance without a little idealism (essentially fantasy without the swords).
Getting to the crux of the matter, a commonly recurring scene in RPGs and other fantasy-related (actually, it sometimes happens in sci-fi) novels, movies or any other media you care to name would be when the main character is forced to choose between saving the world or saving his/her loved one.
Generally when playing RPGs, you really don't have a choice - the game always forces you to save your loved one, even if she has a personality that would make Margaret Thatcher look like an obedient schoolgirl. But she usually doesn't, so good for you. In the end, after saving the girl, you proceed to utterly beat the crap out of the main villain and save the world.
Now, the thing is, would this actually happen in real life? Would you really save the person you love, or save the world and everybody in it? Well, to be honest, this is a really tough choice. Let's take a look at the list, shall we? I just love lists.
Save your girlfriend/boyfriend:
1. Live happily ever after.
2. That's about it, really.
3. Oh wait, there's a chance that the world might be destroyed. Who cares about that?
Save the World:
1. Everyone else lives happily ever after.
2. Actually, that's about it too.
Well, that wasn't much of a list, but still...essentially it boils down to whether or not you're selfish or not. Now, be honest with yourselves...how many of you would destroy the world so that you can live happily ever after? Future villains have this choice easy - destroying world means that you can live happily ever after. It's no wonder that Evil is such a good choice these days.
For the rest of us, though, this is a difficult choice. Humans weren't made to be altruistic people - anyone who thinks so is just deluding themselves. In fact, the complete opposite is true - humans are completely and utterly selfish bastards, seeking to shift the blame onto other people, being greedy, arrogant...and let's not forget lust shall we. After all, that's why you're saving the girl in the first place.
Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh. Humans were built for survival. Sure, we don't have hard scales, sandpaper-like armour, special abilities or anything like that. Nevertheless, we have the ability to reason and think through our actions. We are smart, using all the resources at our disposal to eliminate the enemy - and perhaps our strongest advantage is that we're ruthless. We'll stop at nothing to achieve our goals. This is another thing that's pretty important - heroes are as ruthless as villains...it's just that a hero's goals are supposedly for the good of all mankind.
In the end, because we're so selfish, we want to save our loved ones. No matter what anyone says, your loyalty to your loved ones far surpasses anything that the world can offer. So, interestingly enough, RPGs actually got it right. At least, they got it right for me, heheh. There really are some people who would save the world, rather than live a life of happiness all by yourself. Okay, sure, there's still a lot of stuff to be settled, but I promised that this post would be short. Too late.
Just a parting shot, though. There are, in fact, other situations in which someone would save the world instead of your loved one. No, I'm not talking about the times when he/she is one ugly son-of-a-walrus, nor about the times when saving her probably means you're going to get beaten to a pulp.
Rather, there are times when saving the world means that you're going to get killed. Okay, you say to yourself, I'm fine with that. Me versus the world, the world obviously wins. Because I'm an emo teenage hero, so I don't mind dying. But if your boyfriend/girlfriend isn't a son-of-a-walrus, then he or she will be forced to live the rest of eternity without you. Which would really suck if you were in her shoes. So...would you save the world and die and leave your loved one to weep/wait for you for all eternity?
Being selfish people, I think the answer would be yes.
Forgive me, but for those of you who aren't in the know, I am one heck of a fantasy fanatic and a romantic idealist. Incidentally, those two go very well hand in hand because what's fantasy without romance, and what's romance without a little idealism (essentially fantasy without the swords).
Getting to the crux of the matter, a commonly recurring scene in RPGs and other fantasy-related (actually, it sometimes happens in sci-fi) novels, movies or any other media you care to name would be when the main character is forced to choose between saving the world or saving his/her loved one.
Generally when playing RPGs, you really don't have a choice - the game always forces you to save your loved one, even if she has a personality that would make Margaret Thatcher look like an obedient schoolgirl. But she usually doesn't, so good for you. In the end, after saving the girl, you proceed to utterly beat the crap out of the main villain and save the world.
Now, the thing is, would this actually happen in real life? Would you really save the person you love, or save the world and everybody in it? Well, to be honest, this is a really tough choice. Let's take a look at the list, shall we? I just love lists.
Save your girlfriend/boyfriend:
1. Live happily ever after.
2. That's about it, really.
3. Oh wait, there's a chance that the world might be destroyed. Who cares about that?
Save the World:
1. Everyone else lives happily ever after.
2. Actually, that's about it too.
Well, that wasn't much of a list, but still...essentially it boils down to whether or not you're selfish or not. Now, be honest with yourselves...how many of you would destroy the world so that you can live happily ever after? Future villains have this choice easy - destroying world means that you can live happily ever after. It's no wonder that Evil is such a good choice these days.
For the rest of us, though, this is a difficult choice. Humans weren't made to be altruistic people - anyone who thinks so is just deluding themselves. In fact, the complete opposite is true - humans are completely and utterly selfish bastards, seeking to shift the blame onto other people, being greedy, arrogant...and let's not forget lust shall we. After all, that's why you're saving the girl in the first place.
Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh. Humans were built for survival. Sure, we don't have hard scales, sandpaper-like armour, special abilities or anything like that. Nevertheless, we have the ability to reason and think through our actions. We are smart, using all the resources at our disposal to eliminate the enemy - and perhaps our strongest advantage is that we're ruthless. We'll stop at nothing to achieve our goals. This is another thing that's pretty important - heroes are as ruthless as villains...it's just that a hero's goals are supposedly for the good of all mankind.
In the end, because we're so selfish, we want to save our loved ones. No matter what anyone says, your loyalty to your loved ones far surpasses anything that the world can offer. So, interestingly enough, RPGs actually got it right. At least, they got it right for me, heheh. There really are some people who would save the world, rather than live a life of happiness all by yourself. Okay, sure, there's still a lot of stuff to be settled, but I promised that this post would be short. Too late.
Just a parting shot, though. There are, in fact, other situations in which someone would save the world instead of your loved one. No, I'm not talking about the times when he/she is one ugly son-of-a-walrus, nor about the times when saving her probably means you're going to get beaten to a pulp.
Rather, there are times when saving the world means that you're going to get killed. Okay, you say to yourself, I'm fine with that. Me versus the world, the world obviously wins. Because I'm an emo teenage hero, so I don't mind dying. But if your boyfriend/girlfriend isn't a son-of-a-walrus, then he or she will be forced to live the rest of eternity without you. Which would really suck if you were in her shoes. So...would you save the world and die and leave your loved one to weep/wait for you for all eternity?
Being selfish people, I think the answer would be yes.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
The Many Faces of Evil
Just by looking at the topic name, you can get what this post is going to be about. Yep, that's right, everyone's favourite topic on EVIL.
There are many different types of evil. There is the Sauron-rules-the-world evil, the I'm-gonna-subvert-you-to-the-dark-side evil and the holy-shit-i-forgot-to-bring-dips evil. In any case, I'm sure you'll agree with me that most things are truly and irrevocably evil. Especially the last one.
Something I've noticed is that the face of evil has changed subtly over the last few years. It is quite interesting to note how it has done so - and even more interesting to note that good has also changed in the same way, except in the opposite direction!
To make things a bit more clear, let's look at the Evolution of Evil!
1. Early Evil
Well, early evil is a bit hard to recognise. Much of evil was pretty much indisguishable from good except for the fact that it was...err...evil.
Evil was mainly represented by random monsters and demons and unholy things. Good was mainly represented by random monsters and angels and holy things. The problem was that angels looked pretty much like demons (come on, six hands, six feet and 3 sets of wings? that's a demon right there folks!), and you couldn't really tell evil monsters and good monsters apart: Leviathan vs. Behemoth = Whale vs. Hippopotamus.
Hmm...anyway, symbols for evil were no better. Early evil seemed to be a bit taken aback by the discovery of mathematics, or maybe some random necromancer failed his math test and decided to exact revenge on the world. In any case, evil liked to have nice shapes and numbers in its arsenal of symbols.
2. The Age of the Ugly, Fantastically Evil Dark Lords
The Age of Fantasy! The golden age for blond archers, rugged kings, beautiful princesses, noble thieves, corrupt advisors and fantastically evil dark lords. An incredibly bad time to be a villager or a peasant.
In this time and age, evil and good are completely different. You could tell very easily who was evil and who wasn't. Especially because evil suddenly change their favourite to black. Pretty much everyone wearing black was either evil or some so utterly and completely badass good guy that he deserved to be evil.
Evil was also pretty damn ugly in this age. Orcs, trolls, bats - you name it, evil had it...except that whatever it is you care to name, evil probably needed a plastic surgeon to make sure they didn't die just by looking at each other's ugly mugs. Even the final boss/dark lord who is unbelievably badass is ugly. Sauron - heh, he doesn't even have a freaking face.
3. The Age of the Handsome, Fantastically Evil Dark Lords
Well, well, well. We know move into the age of evil that looks good. The "Heck, are you guys we're even on the right side? Evil looks so much more ass-kicking" Age. Anyway, this is the Age of RPGs! The Golden Age of blond archers, rugged kings, beautiful princesses, noble thieves, corrupt advisors and fantastically evil handsome dark lords. It was still an incredibly bad time to be a villager. But it was an incredibly good time to be a Japanese dungeon level designer. Still is, actually.
Anyway, evil finally got smarter from the last age, and they've hired some plastic surgeons to come do a make up on their minions. Skeletons never looked so sexy! Vampires never looked to utterly badass. Assassins were never so cool. And Zombies...well, necrophilia got invented somewhere along the line, right? In any case, Dark Lords got a lot more good looking. Just ask Arthas - one of the more good-looking evil dark lords around.
Oh, but remember that before you get attached to a Dark Lord, you must remember never to beat him up too much. Especially since that once the Dark Lord transforms into his Final Boss Form, he goes all the way back to the Stone Age in terms of fashion. Either that, or he becomes this angelic thing that looks...well, good.
4. Evil is Beautiful! It's also everywhere.
WARNING. Once your infestation of evil gets to this point, you are quite screwed. Indeed, it is difficult for the good guys to even win a battle in this day and age. That is, if you actually find the good guys. Most of the time, the people you start backing tend to be evil that looks like good. Or at least some chaotic neutral guy.
Evil finally realises that there's something in this world called style. Damn, these guys are really good when they want to be. Vampires generally become young, teenage women who can't decide if they're evil or not. Zombies are generally out of existence, Orcs died out half a century ago and Skeletons went out of fashion when necromancers realised that familiars were cheaper, more powerful, and were generally pretty good-looking.
Good really takes a beating in this age before they actually get up to try and stop the bad guys. Blond archers are still in high demand, but real heroes generally have some deformity or other, such as having leprosy, having half their face blown off, or at least having their hand severed at the wrist. Good should expect to get betrayed at least five times during their journey towards salvation, and that's being optimistic. Good should also have a set of good legs, because they have to do a lot of running in this age. Fret not, though, because Good also generally gets a lot more badass - good vampires, good shadow angels, good skeletons and good-looking dark lords generally join the good guys in this age.
Evil really pwns in this age. Their spies are badass enough to make James Bond look like Ron Weasley, they have enough hidden cameras to make the NSA file a lawsuit for having more cameras than they do, their armies are large enough to make Mr. Hellbent feel jealous. Evil is also a lot more elegant. Rather than the demons, sharks, and dragons, evil is represented by more elegant animals. Like ravens or butterflies. Somehow this makes evil look a whole lot more evil.
In the last few ages, evil was just annoying. But in this age, evil is evil. As in, you wouldn't want to join them even at the end of the world kind of evil. Scary stuff.
Taking a step back, it really is interesting to note how evil has changed over the past century. Evil became smarter, cooler, sexier (go watch the movie Twilight and you'll know what I mean), and eventually a whole lot more tempting. Which is pretty true, considering that no one is born evil. Evil pretty much has to evangelize everyone - and hell, they're doing a good job. They're doing such a good job that some evil people don't realise they're evil - they think that they're actually doing good!
But that's a post for another time. Shit, how come my posts are so long.
There are many different types of evil. There is the Sauron-rules-the-world evil, the I'm-gonna-subvert-you-to-the-dark-side evil and the holy-shit-i-forgot-to-bring-dips evil. In any case, I'm sure you'll agree with me that most things are truly and irrevocably evil. Especially the last one.
Something I've noticed is that the face of evil has changed subtly over the last few years. It is quite interesting to note how it has done so - and even more interesting to note that good has also changed in the same way, except in the opposite direction!
To make things a bit more clear, let's look at the Evolution of Evil!
1. Early Evil
Well, early evil is a bit hard to recognise. Much of evil was pretty much indisguishable from good except for the fact that it was...err...evil.
Evil was mainly represented by random monsters and demons and unholy things. Good was mainly represented by random monsters and angels and holy things. The problem was that angels looked pretty much like demons (come on, six hands, six feet and 3 sets of wings? that's a demon right there folks!), and you couldn't really tell evil monsters and good monsters apart: Leviathan vs. Behemoth = Whale vs. Hippopotamus.
Hmm...anyway, symbols for evil were no better. Early evil seemed to be a bit taken aback by the discovery of mathematics, or maybe some random necromancer failed his math test and decided to exact revenge on the world. In any case, evil liked to have nice shapes and numbers in its arsenal of symbols.
2. The Age of the Ugly, Fantastically Evil Dark Lords
The Age of Fantasy! The golden age for blond archers, rugged kings, beautiful princesses, noble thieves, corrupt advisors and fantastically evil dark lords. An incredibly bad time to be a villager or a peasant.
In this time and age, evil and good are completely different. You could tell very easily who was evil and who wasn't. Especially because evil suddenly change their favourite to black. Pretty much everyone wearing black was either evil or some so utterly and completely badass good guy that he deserved to be evil.
Evil was also pretty damn ugly in this age. Orcs, trolls, bats - you name it, evil had it...except that whatever it is you care to name, evil probably needed a plastic surgeon to make sure they didn't die just by looking at each other's ugly mugs. Even the final boss/dark lord who is unbelievably badass is ugly. Sauron - heh, he doesn't even have a freaking face.
3. The Age of the Handsome, Fantastically Evil Dark Lords
Well, well, well. We know move into the age of evil that looks good. The "Heck, are you guys we're even on the right side? Evil looks so much more ass-kicking" Age. Anyway, this is the Age of RPGs! The Golden Age of blond archers, rugged kings, beautiful princesses, noble thieves, corrupt advisors and fantastically evil handsome dark lords. It was still an incredibly bad time to be a villager. But it was an incredibly good time to be a Japanese dungeon level designer. Still is, actually.
Anyway, evil finally got smarter from the last age, and they've hired some plastic surgeons to come do a make up on their minions. Skeletons never looked so sexy! Vampires never looked to utterly badass. Assassins were never so cool. And Zombies...well, necrophilia got invented somewhere along the line, right? In any case, Dark Lords got a lot more good looking. Just ask Arthas - one of the more good-looking evil dark lords around.
Oh, but remember that before you get attached to a Dark Lord, you must remember never to beat him up too much. Especially since that once the Dark Lord transforms into his Final Boss Form, he goes all the way back to the Stone Age in terms of fashion. Either that, or he becomes this angelic thing that looks...well, good.
4. Evil is Beautiful! It's also everywhere.
WARNING. Once your infestation of evil gets to this point, you are quite screwed. Indeed, it is difficult for the good guys to even win a battle in this day and age. That is, if you actually find the good guys. Most of the time, the people you start backing tend to be evil that looks like good. Or at least some chaotic neutral guy.
Evil finally realises that there's something in this world called style. Damn, these guys are really good when they want to be. Vampires generally become young, teenage women who can't decide if they're evil or not. Zombies are generally out of existence, Orcs died out half a century ago and Skeletons went out of fashion when necromancers realised that familiars were cheaper, more powerful, and were generally pretty good-looking.
Good really takes a beating in this age before they actually get up to try and stop the bad guys. Blond archers are still in high demand, but real heroes generally have some deformity or other, such as having leprosy, having half their face blown off, or at least having their hand severed at the wrist. Good should expect to get betrayed at least five times during their journey towards salvation, and that's being optimistic. Good should also have a set of good legs, because they have to do a lot of running in this age. Fret not, though, because Good also generally gets a lot more badass - good vampires, good shadow angels, good skeletons and good-looking dark lords generally join the good guys in this age.
Evil really pwns in this age. Their spies are badass enough to make James Bond look like Ron Weasley, they have enough hidden cameras to make the NSA file a lawsuit for having more cameras than they do, their armies are large enough to make Mr. Hellbent feel jealous. Evil is also a lot more elegant. Rather than the demons, sharks, and dragons, evil is represented by more elegant animals. Like ravens or butterflies. Somehow this makes evil look a whole lot more evil.
In the last few ages, evil was just annoying. But in this age, evil is evil. As in, you wouldn't want to join them even at the end of the world kind of evil. Scary stuff.
Taking a step back, it really is interesting to note how evil has changed over the past century. Evil became smarter, cooler, sexier (go watch the movie Twilight and you'll know what I mean), and eventually a whole lot more tempting. Which is pretty true, considering that no one is born evil. Evil pretty much has to evangelize everyone - and hell, they're doing a good job. They're doing such a good job that some evil people don't realise they're evil - they think that they're actually doing good!
But that's a post for another time. Shit, how come my posts are so long.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Storyflash: A Historian's Dream
Before I actually start on my story, I would like to say that while these are my own ideas, several of these ideas have come from other material that I have read/watched/played. Thus, although I don't claim credit for those ideas, I claim credit for my story itself!
Anyway, after the disclaimer, I'd like to say that once again, my readership has plummeted, mostly due to the financial crisis (no one can afford internet connection these days). While this makes me sad and all, at least no one will steal my ideas!
However, several personages, such as Mr. Rickroll, Commander Lt. Surgeons, the German Ninja (henceforth known as Pockmark Pete), and the Gull Pudding seller from down the lane are welcome to try their hand at actually crafting some semblance of a story from these random musings! Mr. Hellbent is strictly prohibited from touching this shit.
Anyway, the story itself.
Well, imagine a giant game of Risk. Except that instead of tokens and counters, you use real armies and soldiers and generals to fight against each other. These generals, armies and soldiers can be picked from any time period in history, thus allowing fights between great leaders and warriors such as Lee (from the American Civil War) against Miyamoto Musashi or an army led by Sun Tzu himself. Thus, if the author wants, he or she can have epic battles on a global scale. Also note that Oceans and Seas are veritable battlegrounds, and pitting the medieval armadas of Spain against the might of the Russian Navy is completely acceptable.
In addition, several legendary artifacts (be they weapons, creatures, swords) are hidden around the world, and they are in the exact places that they are supposed to lie in legend. Asgard (which can be a hidden re-fueling station, a munitions depot, or just a location where a legendary navy/army/air force is held) should be located somewhere north of Scandinavia. Of course, creatures such as the Minotaur will be found on Crete, and so on and so forth.
Each General will be given missions, just like a real game of Risk. These missions, however, are not restricted to merely conquests or anything like that. Each mission should either suitably difficult, or they could be given by chance, allowing one race to have a huge advantage over the others. This is, of course, up to the authors. One interesting mission, for example, would be to have the Spartans attempt to achieve space flight. A more conventional one would be for the Middle East to completely and utterly rule the seas. Once again, it is up to the author to decide what he wants to do.
For those of you who like style, ethical debates, and what not, this is an idea: you can try taking the perspective of the people playing the game. The players have no idea what the people within the game are going through - it would be interesting to contrast their thoughts with that of the people playing the game itself. Another possible perspective would be to let the people within the game know that they are actually playing a game. What will it do to their psyche? Will they follow orders at all? Will they spontaneously give up? I have no idea. You decide!
Finally, as a parting shot, remember the words any time period in history is extremely broad. This means, in effect, that you can pick factions from the future. This can include everyone's beloved mecha-flying Japanese, British armies capable of calling down orbital strikes, and maybe a technocratic nation. It's freaking open. In addition, you have the option of not choosing armies at all. The CIA is completely capable of being an entity that fights toe to toe with other nations of the world using nothing but intelligence and communications. It would interesting to see how they fight. Of course, factions themselves are not the only things than can be added from any time period. Artifacts are also allowed to be from the future. The first nation to get enough manpower into space, can in fact, be allowed to control the Death Star (this is, of course, an exaggeration). Or maybe the first nation to find the Star Trek Enterprise will be awarded with the technology to teleport troops anywhere in the world.
Of course, this is completely up to the author, which will not be me. Hopefully, someone will take this up. Or not. Whatever, I don't really care, this was just a random musing. Oh yeah, before I end, here is a list of books/games that I got the ideas from.
1. Risk (obviously)
2. Fate/Stay Night
3. Ender's Game
4. Time's Eye
Well, whether or not you actually know the books doesn't matter to me. Just know this is where the ideas originated from, and that I don't claim to have invented everything. Just so you know.
Anyway, after the disclaimer, I'd like to say that once again, my readership has plummeted, mostly due to the financial crisis (no one can afford internet connection these days). While this makes me sad and all, at least no one will steal my ideas!
However, several personages, such as Mr. Rickroll, Commander Lt. Surgeons, the German Ninja (henceforth known as Pockmark Pete), and the Gull Pudding seller from down the lane are welcome to try their hand at actually crafting some semblance of a story from these random musings! Mr. Hellbent is strictly prohibited from touching this shit.
Anyway, the story itself.
Well, imagine a giant game of Risk. Except that instead of tokens and counters, you use real armies and soldiers and generals to fight against each other. These generals, armies and soldiers can be picked from any time period in history, thus allowing fights between great leaders and warriors such as Lee (from the American Civil War) against Miyamoto Musashi or an army led by Sun Tzu himself. Thus, if the author wants, he or she can have epic battles on a global scale. Also note that Oceans and Seas are veritable battlegrounds, and pitting the medieval armadas of Spain against the might of the Russian Navy is completely acceptable.
In addition, several legendary artifacts (be they weapons, creatures, swords) are hidden around the world, and they are in the exact places that they are supposed to lie in legend. Asgard (which can be a hidden re-fueling station, a munitions depot, or just a location where a legendary navy/army/air force is held) should be located somewhere north of Scandinavia. Of course, creatures such as the Minotaur will be found on Crete, and so on and so forth.
Each General will be given missions, just like a real game of Risk. These missions, however, are not restricted to merely conquests or anything like that. Each mission should either suitably difficult, or they could be given by chance, allowing one race to have a huge advantage over the others. This is, of course, up to the authors. One interesting mission, for example, would be to have the Spartans attempt to achieve space flight. A more conventional one would be for the Middle East to completely and utterly rule the seas. Once again, it is up to the author to decide what he wants to do.
For those of you who like style, ethical debates, and what not, this is an idea: you can try taking the perspective of the people playing the game. The players have no idea what the people within the game are going through - it would be interesting to contrast their thoughts with that of the people playing the game itself. Another possible perspective would be to let the people within the game know that they are actually playing a game. What will it do to their psyche? Will they follow orders at all? Will they spontaneously give up? I have no idea. You decide!
Finally, as a parting shot, remember the words any time period in history is extremely broad. This means, in effect, that you can pick factions from the future. This can include everyone's beloved mecha-flying Japanese, British armies capable of calling down orbital strikes, and maybe a technocratic nation. It's freaking open. In addition, you have the option of not choosing armies at all. The CIA is completely capable of being an entity that fights toe to toe with other nations of the world using nothing but intelligence and communications. It would interesting to see how they fight. Of course, factions themselves are not the only things than can be added from any time period. Artifacts are also allowed to be from the future. The first nation to get enough manpower into space, can in fact, be allowed to control the Death Star (this is, of course, an exaggeration). Or maybe the first nation to find the Star Trek Enterprise will be awarded with the technology to teleport troops anywhere in the world.
Of course, this is completely up to the author, which will not be me. Hopefully, someone will take this up. Or not. Whatever, I don't really care, this was just a random musing. Oh yeah, before I end, here is a list of books/games that I got the ideas from.
1. Risk (obviously)
2. Fate/Stay Night
3. Ender's Game
4. Time's Eye
Well, whether or not you actually know the books doesn't matter to me. Just know this is where the ideas originated from, and that I don't claim to have invented everything. Just so you know.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
NEWSFLASH.
Good Afternoon, and welcome to today's show. I'm Igor the Brainless, reporting to you live on Channel Thirteen, from whence all bad things come.
We have just received word that the esteemed Vampcount Mr. Rickroll has just returned from diplomatic negotiations with the Leeches of Sabah, and will be arriving in Germany shortly after the break. After a week of negotiations, in which much blood was boiled, crowds a hundred strong have gathered at the Airport to witness the arrival of Mr. Rickroll and his team of negotiators.
Reporting to you live from the scene is our German correspondent, Viscount Friedrich the Hellbent-On-World-Domination. Mr. Hellbent, please.
*Static goes here*
Well, hello there, hello there! This is the Viscount's Assistant, Dr. Frankenfurter speaking. I'm sorry to say that the Viscount has recently been flown to Russia after being contacted by the Secret Service about a drug that could well achieve Total Mind Control over the entire Romanian Vampship.
In any case, large crowds have gathered around the Airport where Mr. Rickroll is about to arrive. Herr. Rickroll, as he is affectionately known in Germany, does not hail from Germany as is commonly believed. Instead, the man is a native of a small island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, whose name is too difficult to pronounce unless you have proper vocal cords (which, might I remind you, none of the zombies around here are privvy to).
Despite this fact, Mr. Rickroll is a proud supporter of Zombic Tradition, and he will have most sorely missed the opening of "A Frankenstein Adventure '08" (AFA '08). In fact, in a prior interview with the prestigious personage, he sent an email revealing his innermost feelings about the subject. An excerpt of it can be read here:
"How was AFA you assholes."
Indeed, one can feel the passion coming from his well-phrased reply. Now is also an appropriate time to say that despite the well-known fact that Mr. Rickroll is well-versed in at least forty-six different forms of martial arts techniques (including the legendary Fist of the North Star), there have been several who, in their desire to spread the news about what a success the AFA '08 was, have temporarily forgotten this fact, and proceeded to incur his Excellency's wrath.
Just this morning, a well-known l33t-speaking, troll-toting, swear-word-festooned banshee by the name of Ginny, accompanied by her computer-generated vocaloid The-No, was noted to have continually spammed the Nets with her praisings of the AFA. Mr. Rickroll wasted no time is sending the prick rolling head over heels into the caves of Sabah. Later, when asked about the incident, his only reply was:
"Sod off."
An especially succinct and diplomatic response from the veteran politician.
Well, that ends our coverage of the scene. This is Dr. Frankenfurter signing off.
*More static*
Well, there you have it people. We will be back shortly for the actual arrival of Mr. Rickroll, which will come after the break. After that, we will have continue our much publicized debate on: Dentures: Boon or Bane? Thank you, and please stay tuned.
Oh, by the way. Any similarities to personages outside the undead world is completely coincidental, and Channel Thirteen does not take responsibility for any damages caused.
We have just received word that the esteemed Vampcount Mr. Rickroll has just returned from diplomatic negotiations with the Leeches of Sabah, and will be arriving in Germany shortly after the break. After a week of negotiations, in which much blood was boiled, crowds a hundred strong have gathered at the Airport to witness the arrival of Mr. Rickroll and his team of negotiators.
Reporting to you live from the scene is our German correspondent, Viscount Friedrich the Hellbent-On-World-Domination. Mr. Hellbent, please.
*Static goes here*
Well, hello there, hello there! This is the Viscount's Assistant, Dr. Frankenfurter speaking. I'm sorry to say that the Viscount has recently been flown to Russia after being contacted by the Secret Service about a drug that could well achieve Total Mind Control over the entire Romanian Vampship.
In any case, large crowds have gathered around the Airport where Mr. Rickroll is about to arrive. Herr. Rickroll, as he is affectionately known in Germany, does not hail from Germany as is commonly believed. Instead, the man is a native of a small island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, whose name is too difficult to pronounce unless you have proper vocal cords (which, might I remind you, none of the zombies around here are privvy to).
Despite this fact, Mr. Rickroll is a proud supporter of Zombic Tradition, and he will have most sorely missed the opening of "A Frankenstein Adventure '08" (AFA '08). In fact, in a prior interview with the prestigious personage, he sent an email revealing his innermost feelings about the subject. An excerpt of it can be read here:
"How was AFA you assholes."
Indeed, one can feel the passion coming from his well-phrased reply. Now is also an appropriate time to say that despite the well-known fact that Mr. Rickroll is well-versed in at least forty-six different forms of martial arts techniques (including the legendary Fist of the North Star), there have been several who, in their desire to spread the news about what a success the AFA '08 was, have temporarily forgotten this fact, and proceeded to incur his Excellency's wrath.
Just this morning, a well-known l33t-speaking, troll-toting, swear-word-festooned banshee by the name of Ginny, accompanied by her computer-generated vocaloid The-No, was noted to have continually spammed the Nets with her praisings of the AFA. Mr. Rickroll wasted no time is sending the prick rolling head over heels into the caves of Sabah. Later, when asked about the incident, his only reply was:
"Sod off."
An especially succinct and diplomatic response from the veteran politician.
Well, that ends our coverage of the scene. This is Dr. Frankenfurter signing off.
*More static*
Well, there you have it people. We will be back shortly for the actual arrival of Mr. Rickroll, which will come after the break. After that, we will have continue our much publicized debate on: Dentures: Boon or Bane? Thank you, and please stay tuned.
Oh, by the way. Any similarities to personages outside the undead world is completely coincidental, and Channel Thirteen does not take responsibility for any damages caused.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Frankenstein's New Home!
ZOMG. I actually cared enough to set up house somewhere else other than MSN Spaces. UPGRADE FOR THE WIN!
In any case, this is a momentuous occasion, and I shall celebrate it by revealing a song that has many Academy Awards (2), Grammy Awards (27), Oscars (14 at last count), and the very prestigious holy-shit-what-the-freak-is-this Award. =)
In fact, it is so good, several prominent world leaders have commented upon the song:
Jarrel - "The practice of storing milk or beer in laboratory refrigerators is strongly condemned." says:
its kinda irritating XD
pamelia says:
ITS SO SPASTIC OMG
Mr Wakamoto:
I AM A GOD.
The Lyrics are something like this:
Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!
*Random R2 Beeping*
Her name was Leia, she was a princess,
with a danish on each ear, and Darth Vader drawing near
so R2-D2 found Ben Kenobi, (Obi-Wan)
He'd have to put the Death Star plans into the Rebellions hands,
So Luke and Obi-Wan had to get to Alderaan
So they stopped into Mos Eisley to have a drink with Han
At the Star Wars, Star Wars cantina
The weirdest creatures you've ever seena
Here at the Star Wars, Star Wars cantina,
music and blasters and old Jedi masters
at the Star Wars. (shush I know it's bad grammar but screw it)
...Gah, I can't be bothered to write the rest! I got to finish unpacking all the boxes. Frankenstein still needs clothes and spare body parts, you know!
In any case, this is a momentuous occasion, and I shall celebrate it by revealing a song that has many Academy Awards (2), Grammy Awards (27), Oscars (14 at last count), and the very prestigious holy-shit-what-the-freak-is-this Award. =)
In fact, it is so good, several prominent world leaders have commented upon the song:
Jarrel - "The practice of storing milk or beer in laboratory refrigerators is strongly condemned." says:
its kinda irritating XD
pamelia says:
ITS SO SPASTIC OMG
Mr Wakamoto:
I AM A GOD.
The Lyrics are something like this:
Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!
*Random R2 Beeping*
Her name was Leia, she was a princess,
with a danish on each ear, and Darth Vader drawing near
so R2-D2 found Ben Kenobi, (Obi-Wan)
He'd have to put the Death Star plans into the Rebellions hands,
So Luke and Obi-Wan had to get to Alderaan
So they stopped into Mos Eisley to have a drink with Han
At the Star Wars, Star Wars cantina
The weirdest creatures you've ever seena
Here at the Star Wars, Star Wars cantina,
music and blasters and old Jedi masters
at the Star Wars. (shush I know it's bad grammar but screw it)
...Gah, I can't be bothered to write the rest! I got to finish unpacking all the boxes. Frankenstein still needs clothes and spare body parts, you know!
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