Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Dreams of an Otaku Part 2

Frank: Welcome back folks, welcome back! We are once again back upon the fields of this lovely stadium, once again ready to plunge into one of the zaniest sports ever, once again prepared to face a life  and death struggle against the opposing players, all the while remembering that salvation awaits the victor and darkness awaits the loser!

Frank: And so, folks, let us welcome back onto the field, the two teams, the Heroes and the Villains!

I sit up, groggily rubbing my temples with my palm. What’s with all the racket? What’s with all the noise? Why does it seem like I’m in another stadium? Why does it – HANG ON, THIS IS TOO FAMILIAR!

I sit up hurriedly, glancing around dugout. This is my dream again! The one with the baseball and the funny anime and manga characters running about! Oh gods, you mean I still haven’t escaped this place?

I sigh, and place my head in my hands. Well...I might as well practice my swinging...who knows when I’ll be called up again? Why, it feels like Furukawa will once again start rapping me on my head as soon as –

I was interrupted by a sudden rapping on my head, and I whipped around to see Furukaw – hang on, that’s not Furukawa! That’s...damn, I think I forgot his name! Shoots...but one thing’s for sure...he’s not an anime character...and he doesn’t seem to be playing baseball...for one, he’s got face paint all over him, and he’s holding an American Football.

...Oh no. Don’t tell me...

...

Too late.

Encik: “Stop slacking around lah! You think everyday Sunday, is it?”

 He looked like a mean, lean, fighting machine, and he spoke like a Singaporean. Definitely not an anime character.

Encik: “I tell you siah, if you don’t kill those guys over there, I’m gonna knock you upside down!”

Herrick: Yes, yes, I’m going, I’m going...

It turns out this really was American Football. What a queer change. In fact, both the Villains and the Heroes changed as well. Everyone around here was familiar to me, but I just couldn’t quite place their names. But none of them where anime or manga characters. Which is a good thing, really. I didn’t want to get kooshed by Mr. Don.

Suddenly, the guy next to me passed me a plastic bag of green powder. My god, he was so strong, he nearly knocked the wind out of me just by passing me the bag.

Herrick: What’s this, man?

Booster: That’s creatine. Eat the whole bag, boy...you’re gonna need your strength for this match! And don’t forget to stretch!

Herrick: Well...don’t you need some as well? There has to be at least 100g of this stuff.

Booster: Don’t worry, I already took 5 bags this morning.

Herrick: FIVE BAGS?! ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS!?

Booster: Yeah...don’t worry, I don’t need such a large amount for a match like this! We’ll crush these small fry without much effort, you’ll see!

He stalked away, and I was left with a bag of Creatine. What the hell am I going to do with this?

Suddenly, the whistle blew, and everyone rushed to their starting positions. Looking opposite me at the opposing lineback, I saw that my opponent was a thin, sickly looking fellow. What the hell is he doing at the lineback position? Oh well...I’m doing the same thing, aren’t I?

Suddenly, there was a huge roar, and I charged at the enemy, intent on holding him off while the Heroes’ quarterback launched an attack deep into the enemy half!

The other sickly guy charged me back, yelling loudly like a madman

Stalker: I AM A PEDO!

Herrick: YOU’RE A WHAT?! AND WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE A NAME LIKE STALKER?!

I was so surprised, the other guy pushed me over with ease. But my trailing legs caught him, and he fell over without much resistance. Just as I was about to hold him down, a giant sword crashed into the ground next to me.

Fate: HI NUBBIES! WATCH ME PWN THE SHIT OUT OF YOU, BITCHES!

With those words, he started flailing his sword about, chasing after both me and Stalker.

Herrick: Goddammit, who’s team are you on? AND SINCE WHEN WHERE SWORDS ALLOWED IN AMERICAN FOOTBALL?

Fate: Screw off! This is Insane American Football! No one gives a shit about the rules, nubby!

Herrick & Stalker: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Meanwhile, at the quarterback’s position.

Fortello: Now, if I could just get this thing to work...

Mutuhaha: What’s taking so long, Mr. Quarterback?

Fortello: This electrical glove is taking pretty long to start up...hmm...I think it’ll be done within 30 seconds...you think you can hold them off that long?

Mutuhaha: Err...you might to see that their tank column is – I’m sorry about that – their linebacks are breaking through our defences. Look, there’s one here now.

The Lord of Darkness: Hahaha! Bow before me, weaklings! If I defeat you here, I’ll be able to kope Herrick’s GDC for the rest of the year!

From the other side of the pitch.

Herrick: WHO THE HELL SAID YOU COULD DO THAT?!

Back to the action.

Fortello: Ahh! Come on, you stupid thing! Hurry up and recharge!

Mutuhaha: Excuse me, Mr. Quarterback, but should I engage the enemy?

Fortello: What? Aww, hell you should! Hurry up, or we’re actually going to lose ground this Down.

Mutuhaha: I got you, Sir! AIRBORNE DIVISIONS! CALLING IN SUPPORT!

From the other side of the pitch.

Herrick: THIS ISN’T COH GODDAMMIT! AND DON’T YOU PLAY WEHR?!

Back to the action.

The Lord of Darkness: Huh? What is this Airborne Division you speak of? You’re weird.

Mutuhaha: Don’t look down on the power of the American Army! Charge, my warriors!

The Lord of Darkness: Hmm? Parachutes? So you weren’t kidding when you said – HOLY SHIT, THEY’RE HAMSTERS?! What is this, Fumoffu?!

Fortello: Hey, that’s cool...when did you get those?

Mutuhaha: Ahh, I got ‘em cheap off this company called TNN. Pretty shady business, if you know what I mean. Anyway, you got that glove o’ yours ready? I don’t know if my little infantry division is going to last much longer...

Fortello: All set! Alright, get ready to fire. In three, two, one...!

Mutuhaha: ...

Fortello: God damn it, I hate it when this happens, what doesn’t it – WHOA!

From the other side of the field.

Herrick: Holy shit, what the hell was that? A rocket or something?

Stalker: I wouldn’t be surprised.

Fate: Shut up, Nubbies, you don’t have time to be talking! Stop running so I can troll you high heaven!

Herrick & Stalker: STOP SWINGING THAT SWORD AROUND!

Fortello: Well...that went better than I expected.

Mutuhaha: What kind of artillery was that, Sir?

Fortello: That was a railgun...experimental, of course.

Mutuhaha: Ahh. Accuracy is an issue, I take it.

Fortello: Only when things go wrong. Like...now. I wonder where it’s going to land...

About 50 yards down the line...

Homework: Hey, you! Get out of the way, damn it! Can’t you see I’m working here?

Lolicon: Huh? What’s that?

Homework: Any idiot can see that I’m building an airport! Now move aside...you aren’t even in my team, damn it.

Lolicon: Oh yeah...which team am I on again?

Homework: ...The Heroes’ team. I have no idea why I’m on the Villain’s team, but it matters. Not, now, if you please, would you mind...

Herrick & Stalker: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Fate: Come back here, you Nubbies!

Homework: Damn it, get...off...my...AIRPORT! RARGH!

The four of us: Herrick, Stalker, Fate and Homework start brawling. I think that the three of them fought amongst themselves more than me. Ahh well, I guess they’re not called the Villains for nothing.

Lolicon: Wow, that looks painful...anyway, that looks like a...THE FOOTBALL! Hah! There is no one standing in my path to VICTORY!

Jekay: Oh really? With my 4.6 second 40 yard dash, there’s no way you can catch me!

Lolicon: Oh no! You Villain! Never mind, I shall make up for it with my CROSS-HANDED PLAYING STYLE!

Jekay: ...What is a “Cross-Handed Playing Style”?

Lolicon: It’s amazing for grazing...look, all I gotta do is this, and then...

WHOOSH! The ball ripped past both Lolicon and Jekay.

Lolicon: Hah! See, I told’ya! Did you see that graze? God damn, I’m good!

Jekay: Weren’t we supposed to catch that?

Lolicon: OH NOES!

Herrick: You’re both idiots!

Suddenly...

Frank: TOUCHDOWN FOR THE HEROES!

All: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?

Herrick: Who the hell made that touchdown?

Jax: Heh. With my ability to hide my existence from everyone, I am the perfect player to score sudden touchdowns!

Suddenly, there is a gust of wind and...

All: WHERE DID HE GO?! HOLY SHIT, WHAT A SCARY GUY!

Frank: Uhh...well, ignoring that, the score now stands at 5 – 0, with the Heroes having a chance to gain another points either by a touchdown, or by kicking the ball into the scoring area. Let’s see what they’ll do, huh? Hmm...it looks like the Heroes are bringing out their star kicker, Tora!

Herrick: ...Our star kicker is a girl?

Tora: DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!

Herrick: A...ahaha, not particularly, no?

Tora: Oh...that’s good then!

Herrick: ...Never mind. Let’s get this over with, shall we? So who’s our opponent? Hmm...it looks like that guy is going to try and stop us...what’re we going to do?

Tora: He’s kinda short, don’t you think?

The Seng: Hey, watch out, man! I’m tall in stature.

Herrick: ...I’ve heard too many of these jokes before...sigh...

Frank: Enough of the chatter! Even now, the players are lining up, ready to try and prevent Tora from scoring with that deadly kick of hers! There she goes, smashing the ball into the air!

Herrick: Ooh, that looked like a good shot!

Tora: Mmhmm...okay lah.

The Seng: What the...this is so broken! How the hell am I supposed to reach that?

Young Boy: Hey, Seng! Take this!

To my horror, the Young Boy sudden kicks the Seng in the...the...well, you know what I mean.

The Seng: YEEEEEEEEEOOWCHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Young Boy: Whoa...he’s flying, he’s flying!

Herrick:  ARE WE IN A CARTOON OR SOMETHING?!

The Seng: Oh no...my voice just went twenty octaves higher...hang on, I’m now the same height as the ball! THIS IS WHAT ALL MY 6 YEARS OF GOALKEEPING HAVE PREPARED ME FOR! Here goes nothing!

From the ground, we can see that The Seng is tipping the ball a little off its course, leading the ball to certain doom!

Herrick: God Dammit, we need to do something!

Booster: Leave it to me! Astro! Hang on tight! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!

Grabbing the poor boy – Astro, I believe his name was, Booster threw him high into the air, sending the boy somersaulting into the atmosphere! CRASH! It appeared that his flight into space was stopped only by the ball, which was struck back into its original path by Astro’s hair! Almost in slow motion, the ball slowly, but surely, flew closer and closer into the scoring area, somersaulting once, twice, thrice...

Herrick: GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!

Frank: Oh, fine! It’s now 6 – 0 to the Heroes! Congratulations!

Herrick: I have absolutely no idea how the hell that happened...but whatever. So I suppose that it’s the Villains –

WHAM! The Seng comes crashing down onto the ground, creating a man-shaped hole in the ground. Knowing the circumstances, the poor boy’s perfectly fine. What about Astro, though? Hmm...ahh, there is he is...wait...there’s something wrong about the guy using his hair as a parachute, right? Ahh, whatever, I don’t really care anymore...

Suddenly, there was a loud rumbling, and a giant tank...no, not a tank, but a Pershing smashed through the stadium, guns ablaze.

Pershing: Hey there, Herrick!

Herrick: ...weren't you a Gundam 00 the last time? 

Pershing: But this is so much more stylish, don't you think? In any case, good job, you're about halfway through getting out of these weirdo dream.

Herrick: Didn't I already get out of the dream in the last baseball match? What am I doing here?

Pershing: Ahh...I don't know such things, unfortunately...the world is kinda warped around here...it  must be Ranka's singing, it always screws up the continuum. Irritating woman, I never liked her songs anyway.

Herrick: Err...getting back on topic?

Pershing: Yes, well...to be honest I have no idea what's going to happen now...we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?

Herrick: ...here we go again...

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Waltzing Matilda

See that jolly student, dropped outside the school one day,
He's gonna begin IB life, is he,
And he sang as skipped up the slope on that bright morning day,
"You'll come a-mugging IB life with me!"

Mugging Assessments, Mugging those Term Tests, 
"You'll come a-mugging IB life with me!"
And he sang as skipped up the slope on that bright morning day,
"You'll come a-mugging IB life with me!"

Down came the work, piling up upon his head,
EE, IAs, TOK, whoopee!
And he sang as he sat, struggling through some damned uncertainties,
"I need Excel to do this with ease."

Working those IAs, no sleep till midnight,
"I need Excel to do this with ease."
And he sang as he sat, struggling through some damned uncertainties,
"I need Excel to do this with ease."

No more free time, gone like that small gust o' wind,
Work, work, work, and more work, you'll see!
And he sang as he slept, his mind filled up with misery,
"To survive, I need much more coffee!"

Coffee and Milo, Horlicks and Hi-Lo,
"To survive, I need much more coffee..."
And he sang as he slept, his filled up with misery,
"To survive, I need much more coffee..."

Exams have all passed, school's out, the hols are here to stay!
No more work, TOK, Hooray!
And he sang as he stared into the brightly lighted clear blue sky,
"Now it's time for NS, hooray!"

Push-ups and sit-ups, pull-ups and chin-ups,
"Now it's time for NS, hooray!"
And he sang as he pumped, his forehead filled with beads of sweat,
"IB Life beats this shit any day!"

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Dreams of an Otaku Part 1

Frank: Welcome, welcome! Welcome to the 15th National Insanity Baseball Tournament! I’m Frank, and once again, welcome to the Finals of the Insanity Baseball Tournament! The two teams that have reached the finals have slaughtered many other teams to reach this stage of the tournament, and have gone through gruelling trials, so let’s give a hand for the two teams that are going to participate in this Grand Finale!

Frank: On the left dugout, we have the team Heroes, who have managed to defeat the favourites for this tournament, the Sidecharacters, and are now in the finals for the first time in the history of this tournament!

Frank: In the right dugout, we have the up-and-coming team Villains, who have managed to slaughter their way through to the finals with sheer force of will and a ruthlessness bordering on insanity, which is exactly what this tournament promotes!

Ouch...my head hurts...what’s with all the shouting? Wait a minute...what the hell am I doing in a stadium? This is insane, there are so many people around here! The last thing I remember was sleeping in my bedroom, and...

Furukawa Akio: Hey there! You, the sleepy one...yeah, that’s right, I’m talking to you!

Hang on a second, isn’t that Furukawa Akio? What the hell is he doing here? And why is he coming all the way here with a baseball bat and that mad gleam in his eye?

Thwack! Hey, stop rapping me with the bat, damn it!

Me: Yes, yes, what is it? I’m wide awake, wide awake!

Furukawa: Take this! Go out there and practice a few times, or else I’ll have you eat some of Sanae’s bread! What’s your name, anyway?

My name? True, I don’t really know what my name is...maybe I should give him some the most exotic name I can think of...

Me: My name’s Herrick...yeah, that’s right, Herrick.

Furukawa: What kind of name is that? Ah, whatever...get your ass over there and do a few practice swings...I have to get ready to pitch...

I walk over to the side of the dugout and sit down where Furukawa Akio can’t see me. I take stock of my situation: It seems that I’ve been caught up in some kind of baseball game, with people like Furukawa Akio...in fact, taking a look around, it seems that I’m surrounded by lots of people I know: that’s Edward Elric over there, isn’t it? Hmm...okay, so something very weird has happened here.

Hang on: If my last memory was that of sleeping, then this must be a dream! But...uh...I seem to be quite wide awake. I guess that this must be one of those dreams where you have to help your team win or something before it lets you out. Well then, I guess this means that I’ve got to win this baseball tournament!

Frank: So we begin the Final Game of the Tournament, starting with the Heroes’ Pitcher, Furukawa Akio stepping onto the mound! The Heroes’ talismanic Captain and Caterer, Furukawa’s the man to beat in this match! Let’s see who comes to face him in this first inning...it’s none other than the Death Metal God from Hell, Krauser II! Let’s hear what he has to say!

Krauser: Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!...

What the hell? Even Krauser is here! What kind of cracked up dream is this? Ah well...I guess as long as I help my team win, I’ll get the hell out of here! Looks like the first match is between Furukawa Akio and the Death Metal God Krauser...a mismatch if I ever saw one...

Frank: Hmm...I see that the Death God is especially eloquent today! Well, we’ll see what Hell’s power can do against the Bread-Baking Hero! The two of them take the stage!

Furukawa: Hey punk, have a taste of my one-meter dropping Forkball!

Herrick: Go be a pro, damn it!

Furukawa throws the ball, and HOLY SHIT, IT REALLY DOES DROP ONE METER. WHAT KIND OF BASEBALL ARE WE PLAYING HERE? The ball looks like it crashed smack-dab into the shortstop’s hands...but why the hell is Krauser on the ground, writhing? Don’t tell me the ball hit him? That’s pretty serious! I don’t know what kind of things can happen in this dream...maybe he really is seriously injured.

On closer inspection, it looks Krauser’s chewing on his bat...hang on, that’s not a bat, that’s A GUITAR? DON’T TELL ME THAT’S –

Frank: Look, it’s Krauser’s TEETH GUITAR!

Herrick: YOU’RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT?

DMC Fan: GO TO DMC! GO TO DMC! GO TO DMC!...

Okay, this is a lot more screwed up than I could imagine...well, it looks like Krauser’s still doing his Teeth Guitar thing, and the referee says play on, so...Furukawa lets fly yet another one of his one meter dropping forkballs.

Referee: Strike Two! Strike Three! Batter Out!

Frank: It seems that Krauser’s Teeth Guitar has failed against Furukawa’s Pitching, and the Heroes have one out this inning! Perhaps the next batter can change the flow of the game! Out of the dugout comes...Mr. Don! The American Football genius...what the heck is he doing playing baseball? Can he even play? Well, we shall see how this turns out!

Mr. Don? Isn’t he the guy from that comic I read a few days ago? Holy smoke, this dream isn’t puling any punches here...anyway, it looks like Furukawa’s going to let fly once more...and there it goes. It’s a fastball this time, and HOLY SMOKES, IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S GOING AT 400KMPH.

Herrick: Go be a pro, damn it!

...Actually, I don’t think I should be surprised anymore. This is obviously not a normal dream. But maybe I should be surprised at the fact that Mr. Don ACTUALLY HIT THAT DAMN THING.

Frank: And the ball flies high into the air...wait, no! The ball has disintegrated!

Herrick: What? You mean the ball blew up?! How the hell is that possib – oh wait. Never mind.

Furukawa: Hey, you bastard! How the hell are we going to play now? You just destroyed one of the only balls we have in this stadium!

Herrick: You only have ONE ball in the ENTIRE stadium?

Furukawa: Shut up, Herrick, I had to cut costs!

Mr. Don: It’s so sad...this country can’t even begin to compete with the wealth of America!

Frank: Indeed, this is a predicament. Let’s see if our ball boys can calm Furukawa’s nerves...alright, it  seems that they can’t. Hang on a moment...someone’s coming out from the Villain’s dugout. It’s one of their outfielders, Nrvnqsr Chaos (Nero Chaos, for short). It looks like he’s passing something over to Furukawa...

Even Nero Chaos is here? Looks like this dream isn’t open to just manga and anime then. Well, it looks like he’s just passed something to Furukawa...I wonder what it is?

Nero: This is a baseball made out of one of my 666 beasts! It is indestructible!

Furukawa: Ooh, sweet! Thanks mate, I’ll take this...ready to go, Mr. Don?

Frank: Well, it looks like the baseball problem’s been solved...let’s continue with the game!

Since that problem’s been solved, I should probably think of how to beat Mr. Don if I ever have to go up against him...it looks like Furukawa’s going to throw another one of those insane fastballs again. Well, I doubt that Mr. Don can hit this one, because...HE DID IT AGAIN. I can see the ball flying high into the air, coming down into the left outfield! Meanwhile, Mr. Don is running.

Mr. Don: Oh, it’s so sad! Even the opposing team’s captain can’t do anything against the power of America!

Furukawa: Just shut up, will you?

Meanwhile, I’m looking at the ball come down into the outfield. One of the outfielders is coming to get it...isn’t that Allen Walker? What the hell is an exorcist doing in a sports manga? Anyway, he’s running for the ball and – wait, he’s just awoken his Akuma Eye...what’s he planning to do?

Allen Walker: Holy smokes...that’s going pretty far. I think it’ll make a home run. But wait...what’s this? There’s an Akuma in the ball! It’s got a demonic presence around it! I must destroy it!

Herrick: Holy shit, don’t tell me...

But true enough, Allen fires his giant broadsword at the ball, obliterating and purifying it! There’s a flash of green light, and the ball explodes into a million pieces! So what happens now? The ball has been completely destroyed!

Frank: Well, according to the rules of this baseball tournament, if a ball gets destroyed, all runners on base proceed further by one base. So this means that Mr. Don has moved onto the second base! Let’s see what the players have to say.

Mr. Don: Oh, it’s so sad!

Herrick: Just shut up already!

Furukawa: Walker! How many times have I told you, NO INNOCENCE ON THE FIELD!

Allen: I’m sorry, Sir! But there really was an Akuma in the ball!

Furukawa: Stop joking around! Hurry up and get back to your position while I see off this next batter.

Speaking of which...who IS the next batter? Aren’t stadiums like this supposed to have boards that tell you who is going to bat next? Maybe this is another one of those costs that Furukawa cut. Anything, looking up, I see that the next batter is...Sunohara Youhei?!

Herrick: What the hell are you doing on the team?!

Furukawa: Aren’t you that useless guy who failed to do anything?

Sunohara: Hey, don’t look down on me! I can play basedall, okay!

Herrick: It’s baseball...

Sunohara: Whatever, come on, I’ll beat the crap outta you!

Well...whatever. If Sunohara’s on the opposing team, then this can only get easier, right? Furukawa launches another fastball, sending Sunohara sprawling to the ground in the shockwave!

Sunohara: How the hell am I supposed to hit that? You’re crazy, old man!

For once, I actually feel for Sunohara...anyway, that was strike one...Furukawa goes at it again, and it’s strike two! Wow...this is incredibly easy for Furukawa. Anyway, Sunohara gets up, and readies to swing. Furukawa winds up, and – WAIT, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? Something just flew over the top of my head and smashed right smack into Sunohara’s stomach!

Sunohara: !!! What the hell is this? A dictionary? Hang on, this is familiar...KYOU, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, YOU BIT –

Wham! That’s gotta hurt, another one of those dictionaries just slammed into his face! It looks like the paramedics are going to have to take him off the pitch...

Herrick: Just what the hell was with the dictionary? Geez, this is getting weirder and weirder.

Frank: This is quite unusual, even in this Insane Baseball Tournament. What’s the referee’s decision going to be? It looks like he’s called an out! Sunohara is struck out! So that makes two outs for the Villains, with only one runner on base!

Hmm...I’m not very sure of the rules for baseball, but I think that if we get another out, then this inning is over! And then maybe I’ll get out of this crazy dream! Anyway, we’ll have to see who’s going to come out of the dugout to take up the batter’s position...Oh no! It’s the worst possible person, Johnson! Unlike the rest of the people around here, this guy is actually a real baseball player!

Everyone: SAY WHAT?!

Why is everyone surprised at that? And perhaps more importantly, HOW COME EVERYONE CAN READ MY MIND? Well, this is a dream, after all. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

Johnson: That’s right, Furukawa! I’m the world’s fastest base runner...there’s no way you can defeat me! With my run that lasts the entirety of 2.60 seconds, I will defeat you and your miserable 400kmph fastball!

Furukawa: Don’t count your dreadlocks before they’re combed, you damned dreads!

And so, Furukawa takes a shot, flinging his fastball at Johnson, blitzing to the shortstop at all of 400kmph! I pray that Johnson doesn’t hit it...come on, man, then I get out of this crazy dream as fast as I can! There’s a sudden cracking sound and...argh! It is just as I feared! Johnson makes a bunt, forcing the ball down as he makes his lightning-fast run to first base.

The ball bounces on the ground, kicking up sand. It looks like it’s rolling towards the left infielder, but he’s not moving! Come on, at this rate, not only will Johnson manage to reach first base, but Mr. Don will be able to reach third base as well!

Herrick: Come on! Why aren’t you getting the ball!

As if there was a magic in my words, the ball suddenly bounces straight at the left infielder, who catches it deftly without looking! It looks like I’m not the only guy who’s shocked at this: Johnson is looking with wide eyes at the left infielder, and doesn’t see that he’s going to crash into the wall!

Johnson: OH SHITE!!

With a loud smack, Johnson crashes! The left infielder only smiles...hang on, I think I recognise that guy...isn’t he Pain? What’s he doing here? In fact, maybe I should be asking what the hell he’s doing on the Heroes’ Team!

Pain: Haha, with my ability to attract and repel objects, there is no way your mere 2.60 second run is going to steal any bases. Can you feel my pain now?

Johnson: Argh! Where the hell did this wall come from? There isn’t supposed to be a wall in the middle of the batter’s box and first base!

 

Well, it looks like I’m safe for now! Pain’s managed to distract Johnson and get Mr. Don out at the same time! Speaking of which, where IS Mr. Don? Isn’t he supposed to be somewhere over...THERE?!

Herrick: Hey Pain! LOOK OUT!

Mr. Don: It’s too sad!

Pain: Heh, didn’t I say? My ability includes repulsion, and so...OOMPH!

With a thundering crash, Mr. Don lays the smackdown on Pain, hurtling the poor guy to the ground with a sickening crunch!

Herrick: Aren’t rugby tackles banned in baseball?!

Frank: Of course not! Anything goes in Insane Baseball!

Mr. Don: It’s so sad...you failed to take into account the fact that I read WSJ as well! I know that you have to wait at least 5 seconds before the ability activates again, and with my 40 yards dash under 5 seconds...there is no way you can win! Are you feeling the pain now?

Pain: I’ll say...ack!

Wow...it looks serious...I guess even ninjas aren’t generally prepared for America-styled  Football tackles! Well, the paramedics are taking him off the pitch, but Furukawa is celebrating! All right! It looks like I can finally go home now! So I’m just going to wait here until something funny happens...like that robot over there.

Funny-looking robot: Hey there, Herrick! Sorry mate, but you can’t go back just yet.

Herrick: Who the hell are you? And why the hell aren’t I going home just yet?

Funny-looking robot: Well, in answer to your first question, I’m the Gundam 00, Trans-Am and Twin Drives included! No batteries though. And yes, you can’t go home just yet because the game hasn’t ended yet!

Herrick: A Gundam? But I’ve never watched Gundam before! And anyway, I thought we just beat the Villains by crushing them easily!

Gundam 00: Nope, unfortunately not. You see, this is just the first inning. Normal baseball has nine innings, and even Little League baseball has six innings! But don’t worry Insane Baseball, due to the insanity of the players involved, has only three innings! So you only have to go through another two and half innings before you go back. And you must win, of course.

Herrick: You’re kidding me! I’m supposed to stay through another five rounds of this, and win before I get to back home? This is insane!

Gundam 00: This is what this version of baseball is all about, anyway. Oh and yes, it’s a good point you’ve made. You’ve never watched Gundam before, right? Well, it’s true that only characters that you actually know are in this dream, but I’m not from your dream. I’ve actually been sent from Jarrel’s dream to aid you!

Herrick: ...I can’t escape him even in my dreams. This is TERRIBLE. Ah well...you’ll be helping me, right? Well...another two and half innings...how difficult can it get?

...

...

Tune in next time to find out what happens to Herrick and the Gundam 00 as they try and fight their way through a cracked-up dream and a game of seriously insane baseball!