I placed my head in my hands and rubbed my temples. It was an action that I had gotten used to since coming here two months ago. My scar on my right eye was getting itchy again, telling me that trouble was brewing. Except that this time, it was plainly obvious that we were in some deep shit.
Our usual ragtag gang had somehow managed to meet the reigning ESPer team from the Physics Department. Sheffield, being his normal self and wanting to show off Magari's newfound powers, immediately challenged them, much to my exasperation.
Needless to say, the physicists were more than a little annoyed.
"That is exactly the case," said my overly-optimistic colleague, Mr. Sheffield. The diminutive Professor in Neurology had taken off his lab-coat, a sure sign that he getting serious, and he was grinning from ear to ear. "With Mr. Heidfeld and Ms. Magari here, the Biology Department will finally take its rightful place as the Overlords of the Science Faculty!"
With that, he let out a distinctly evil laugh. It was an obvious taunt - after all, everyone knew that all mad scientists were physicists.
I sighed deeply. I had come to this place looking for some peace and quiet. But this place was just another battlefront, with battles between the teachers erupting at seemingly random intervals disguised as 'inter-departmental competitiveness'. I took a step back and said to Magari, "How did he drag you into this?"
The quiet, shy little girl looked at me with eyes that were about to burst into tears and whispered into my ear, "He offered me a new centrifuge. And a carrier gene."
Ah, Magari. The Professor of Genetic Engineering was so easy to manipulate.
"Tch...getting a little over our heads, aren't we?" said Mrs. Khrushchev, licking her signature blood red lipstick. Her eyes - tinted red by her contact lenses - were staring sharply at Sheffield, who flinched. The Professor of Optics had always cut a very intimidating appearance. "Do you really think that you can challenge us, the same team that demolished the Chemistry Department's A-Team?"
"Ha," said Sheffield, drawing himself up and puffing his chest out. "We aren't as weak as those fogies who do nothing but sit in their labs mixing rainbow coloured substances like they're playing an online game."
Sheffield was interrupted by a cry of dissent from somewhere down the corridor, but the perpetrator was quickly silenced and dragged back into his office, lest he get caught in this extra-curricular battle.
"So what do you propose," asked Mr. Anastasios, the most amiable of the lot. The Greek Professor of Kinetics was dressed in his usual vest and jeans, and his hair today was waxed back into some outrageous style that was reminiscent of a recently discovered ancient Japanese literature. "Would you like to engage us in an informal battle, right here, right now?"
"A three on three, to be exact," replied Sheffield, smiling like a kid about get candy. "It'll be me, Heidfeld and Magari versus you, Forstein and Khrushchev. Heh, consider yourselves lucky that I didn't bring the rest of the Biology Department down on you. Filthy cowards!"
More like they've washed their hands of us and can't be bothered to put up with your antics anymore.
"Hmph." Forstein snorted. "What impudence. To think that you, members of the Biology Department, would dare to challenge us? Prepare to receive a lesson in pain!"
"I'm looking forward to it!" Sheffield turned to me and said, "Okay, Heidfeld. Time for you to go get him!"
"Me? Since when was I participating in this battle?!"
"What? You mean you're not?"
"Of course not. Unlike you, I treasure my lifespan, thank you very much."
"Aww, come on, it's just a little..."
Forstein interrupted our little conversation. "This is a waste of my time. I'll end this quickly." And with that, he began to charge five million volts worth of electricity in his arms. A split second later, he discharged it in an arc that was aimed directly at Sheffield.
"Get out of the way, you idiot!" I kicked him to the side, and not a second too late - the lightning bolt crashed down on the floor where Sheffield had been standing, leaving a charred burn mark where he had been standing a moment ago. I groaned inwardly. More things for me to clean.
Forstein looked surprised. "Quick reflexes indeed. But as fast as they are, it's nowhere close to 148,800 km/s, is it?" And with that, Forstein transformed into pure lightning, essentially teleporting behind Sheffield. The only reason why Sheffield was left standing was because Forstein missed the follow-through, the resulting bolt of lightning coursing through the air and landing next to Magari. The young girl screamed and cowered next to the wall, and despite everything that Sheffield tried, wouldn't budge.
"Change of plans!" yelled Sheffield, who whipped around just in time to dodge yet another electrical missile. "We'll whack Khrushchev instead! Knock that bloody witch out of the sky! Charge!"
And with that, Sheffield ran headlong into a wall, completely knocking himself out.
"Well, that was easy," remarked Khrushchev, who was surprised that her attack worked so well.
"Optical manipulation...he should have known that from the beginning," I muttered under my breath. I could expect no less from the Red Lady, who was busy polishing her nails (also blood red).
"Indeed," replied Khrushchev. "I'll leave my Nuclear physicist of a sister to handle the big guns. I like my victories a little more subtle."
Forstein was irate. "You fools called us out here for a duel, and this is all you have to offer? What a disgrace. I knew the Biology Department was pitiful, I didn't know that the truth was this shocking."
I had to agree with him. Our spokesman was already down, and Magari was still huddled up in a corner. It was essentially a three versus one, and although I had already analysed the extent of Forstein and Khrushchev's powers, Anastasios remained a mystery to me.
I sighed deeply. And I had just had a bath, too!
Oh well. I guess I'll just have to beat the lot of them without breaking a sweat.
